How To Get A Man To Be Exclusive With You

If you have been dating a man for a while and the two of you haven’t talked about being exclusive, chances are he is only casually dating you. But as a woman you can actually set things up from the very beginning that moves a man in direction of being committed to you and only you. So below I am going to share 3 simple things you can do to that will make a man want to be exclusive with you.

Be Clear About What You Want From The Very Beginning

If you are looking for an exclusive person to date, let that be known from the beginning. That way everyone can be on the same page. If he knows where you stand, he can let you know if he is looking for that as well. If he isn’t move on and find someone who is. When telling a man you are looking for something exclusive don’t do it in an overbearing way.

Instead just say hey, if you want to date other women that is okay, but I am looking for something exclusive. So before we go any further, I wanted to make sure we were on the same page.” You are not being needy and you are not being demanding. You are just stating what you want. Any man will respect that. And if he isn’t ready he will let you know.

Maintain Your Power

As a woman you never want to be in a position where you are asking a man where the two of you stand. This does two things. It puts you in a very vulnerable position and it gives him all the power. And as silly as it may sound, doing this will make him feel less attracted to you. So maintain your power.

The way you do this is by living your life. Never try to convince him to do something he really doesn’t want to do. Have your standards and stick with them. It’s okay to be selective. Men actually find that attractive.

Be Selective

As I just stated, men like it when you are selective. Men don’t like it when a woman falls head over hills for him too easily. That is a big turn off. If you fall too quickly it will make you look very needy. No one wants someone who is super needy. It’s too draining. But when a woman is sure about what she wants and she is selective, that shows she is fine on her own.

She doesn’t need him and that makes him want her even more. When a woman is selective it tells that man she is going to go on and have a full and rich life with or without him. It shows him you have the power to choose him or not choose him. When a man sees this he all of a sudden wants to make sure he is the guy you choose. Generally speaking this will lead to him wanting something exclusive and committed.

What Can You To Make A Person Regret Not Committing to You?

I often hear from women who are a bit resentful that they haven’t yet gotten a commitment or proposal from the man who they love and have been in a relationship with. They feel as if they have poured everything that they have into the relationship and now have nothing to show for this. And as a result, quite understandably, they wonder if he sometimes feels regret.

An example of what you might hear in this situation is something like: “I have invested two years into my boyfriend. I have always supported him and I have been very loyal and loving. He knew full well when we met that I was looking for something permanent, but he got involved with me anyway. After about a year into our relationship, he told me that he wasn’t going to be ready to commit any time soon. I guess he and I have different definitions of the word ‘soon.’ Because now it has been a year later and he still doesn’t want to commit to me. In fact, he says that he doesn’t know when he will be ready. I am very angry about this. I am not sure if I want to stay in this relationship or not. But I feel like I want him to regret this. How do I make him regret it when I’m probably not going to leave him? I’ve been thinking about withholding my affection or bringing his attention to how lucky and happy our committed friends are. I want him to realize that not committing to me is a big mistake. How can I do this?”

I understand wanting to make him pay attention and realize just how hurtful is not to want to commit. But, you have to remember what you really want. And I’m assuming that what you really want is for him to wake up one day soon and realize that he has been wrong all along and that he wants to commit to you as soon as possible and without waiting any longer. And, looking at the longer term, you want to get engaged and then married and live happily ever after. This is a very valid dream and it most certainly isn’t too much to ask. But you have to be very careful of how you try to bring this about.

Regret is a negative emotion. And if you force that upon him, then he may project those negative feelings onto you or your relationship. You need a plan that reinforces his love for you and highlights the health of your relationship. Withholding your affection isn’t going to do that. It’s only going to make him frustrated, lonely, or unhappy. You don’t want this. It probably wouldn’t hurt to have mutual friends who are happily committed so that he can see that people who are committed can be quite happy. But you don’t want to be so obvious about the fact that you are using your friends in order to drive your own point home. Your boyfriend isn’t likely to think favorably of this and he may resent you for it or he may isolate himself from his friends. You don’t want this either.

You want for him to be happy. And more than that, you want for him to be happy with you and within your relationship. Frankly, if you cultivate a happy, positive, and playful relationship, then there is a very good chance that one day your boyfriend will look around and be hit by the overwhelming thought of “what was I waiting for? I have a wonderful girl in a loving relationship and here I was dragging my feet. I am not going to make that mistake twice.” This is the kind of healthy and benign regret that you want to encourage.

But you don’t want the kind of regret that is build upon fear or guilt or shame. Sure, it’s OK to want him to think that he was mistaken or just incredibly slow. But you don’t want to try to make him think he’s stupid, selfish, or dense. Because this is the man who you love. So sure, it’s OK to encourage him to see that he’s a little late to the party. But you don’t want for him to feel like he’s being punished or that his every flaw is being pointed out. Because this would likely make him think less of you and the relationship. And, as a result, your commitment becomes less likely.

Is Marriage and Commitment to Endless Love a Natural Process?

We are often made to believe that marriage is a natural process and humans have always had marriage. However, marriage is simply an institution created with specific civic purposes, invented by people and governed by laws that are based on the tradition, culture, religion, values and beliefs of the state that imposes them. With marriage come along moral and financial rights and obligations, which are definitely not natural, but imposed by society for various reasons.

Nowadays, in western cultures most people believe that they get married based on love. However, love in its true essence doesn’t fence in one’s freedom; it doesn’t involve rights, obligations, attachment, possession, need, judgment and punishment as a consequence for not complying with the institution’s “rules”.

People who love each other don’t need their relationship to be validated by anyone other than themselves. They don’t need anyone’s approval and certainly don’t care about anyone’s opinion about their relationship. They don’t need vows and guarantees. They are just grateful for being together and enjoy every single moment to the fullest, for as long as it lasts.

When we seek our significant other we often look for the so-called soul-mate or ideal match. S/he has to be attractive, have common values, vision and beliefs, be our best friend, and just about everything else in between. However, these expectations are not realistic, as we cannot have everything in one single person, so something is got to give. Therefore, we end up choosing the person who meets most of our requirements, and usually the most important ones – in other words, we compromise.

The passion and excitement that usually occur in the beginning of a relationship fade away in time and suddenly we tend to believe that the other person has changed. In reality, s/he didn’t change, but it is us who see things clearly after a while, when the veil covering our eyes in the beginning has lifted.

Another thing worth mentioning is that people have different needs/ expectations / requirements at different stages in their lives. What we wanted in a partner when we were younger may not be the same with what we are looking for when we get older. A relationship/marriage can evolve and adapt to meet each partner’s needs, or it may not.

The mistake that most people make is that they try to resist the natural process of change by compromising even more to make that marriage/relationship work, instead of accepting the situation as is and moving on. This usually leads to even more frustration and in the end, the consequence is often the same: separation or divorce.

Therefore, marriage as it is perceived nowadays is not a natural process as most people tend to believe, but it’s an institution based on needs and interests at a certain point in time. Take these two words only (need & interest) and try to relate them to what love really means and you will realize that they are on opposite sides.

Marriage/Commitment, in my opinion, could be a union between two people based out of love and nothing else, for as long as it lasts; no needs, no untruthful promises and no interests of any kind.

How can people promise to love each other forever when they don’t know what true love is, in the first place? Moreover, feelings are not based on logic – particularly when we refer to love. So a commitment to endless love and devotion may be untruthful because we cannot promise feelings, we can only promise actions. Although, for most people actions are based on feelings rather than logic – therefore, it would be a vicious circle, difficult to get out of unless we learn to control our inner emotional state.

In the same time, we can only be certain of the present moment; when we say “I Love You” we might mean it, but we surely refer to what we feel here and now. Any promise that goes beyond the present moment is based on the assumption that in the future we will feel the same, which can be true or false.

Nowadays we see most marriages falling apart after several years, some of them just months or even days. These people who made vows to stay together in sickness and in health and to love each other till the end of their lives, suddenly realize that they are not compatible anymore, or that they have irreconcilable differences. As a consequence, they file for divorce, which is nothing but, again, a validation of their separation from the state that married them in the beginning.

Another common thing nowadays is that most couples are getting along really well before marriage, but after they tie the knot something goes wrong. One of the reasons relies in the false belief of ownership. Before marriage couples are aware that each of the parties can leave the relationship at any time, so they do their best to keep their significant other close. After marriage, partners tend to gain a sense of ownership towards each other, taking things for granted and starting to neglect what brought them together in the first place.

So how can we change the way we perceive marriage and start developing relationships that are based solely on love?

Sadly, most people need some sort of catastrophe within their marriage/relationship to wake them up; they need to be overwhelmed by a fear far greater than any of the other fears that are currently running and sabotaging their lives.

However, it doesn’t have to be that way. Raising our consciousness and letting our actions come out of love instead of fear will make the difference between the success and failure of a marriage/relationship. In addition, learning to accept ourselves and the situation as is and moving on, instead of always trying hard to make it work, will also lead to a higher quality of life. There is no such thing as “I don’t have a choice” – we always do.

Marriage is not an obligation, at least not in the western cultures – it’s a choice that we make. So our options are pretty simple: either choose not to marry, or adopt this practice as is. And for those who choose to adopt it, the only way to make it work for as long as it can is to make the choice of entering it based solely on love.

Clearing the Confusion of Commitment and Promise

With the improvement of our social structure, and official status, we are losing ground on trust and commitment issues. There was a time when our words to our partner held meaning. However, now we do not have that trust in our relations anymore. Our requirements for life are draining the strength of our trust on near and dear ones. Therefore, issue like commitment is inciting confusion and debate. Marriage ratio is decreasing and divorce is becoming one of the most critical issues in our life. A bit of information on relationships can help us to steer our life towards a healthy and successful relationship.

Promises Are Not Commitments

Modern people have reached the height of technological advancement. They use their analytical skill to deduce the most suitable solution for every problem. However, they are still incapable of understanding that, the promises and commitment are not the same. If you ask, a hundred people this question, more than eighty would offer confused answer. So, let us try to answer this question first.

What Is A Promise?

The answer would be- a series of phrases that explain our intensions towards executing a process in future. Or performing a specific act in the coming future. When we use the word promise, we try to induce certain depth in the word. However, analysis shows us that it is something that we do every day. If we try to calculate every sentence used by us in a day that fall in the category of promise definition, we would understand that, we do not intend to see most of these statements come true. So, it is apparent that promises can’t be trusted without previous demonstration of its accuracy. So, a relationship can’t be created solely on promises.

What Is A Commitment?

Commitment is the exact same thing as a promise, only in a wider sense. A commitment is a promise or statement that has concrete base of previous demonstration and sensible beliefs. So, the only difference the separates a promise from a commitment is proof. Meaning, to create the environment of a committed relationship, you need to prove your intensions by keeping promises. In an easy way, a promise is something you state regarding relation or otherwise. On the other hand, a commitment is a proven or kept promise.

So, the best way to get into a committed relationship is to go through ample amount of time and situations that prove both of you are ready to keep each other’s promises.

Relationship Advice – Overcoming A Fear Of Intimacy

Naturally everyone wants to be closer to their partner. The best case scenario is that they reciprocate this desire. But there are times when we cannot seem to get closer to our partner no matter what we do. When this happens, how do we fix it?

You first have to determine what is actually causing the barrier to occur, and not what we believe the problem to be. Only when we have accurately identified the reasoning behind it can we come up with a viable resolution.

What can cause a fear of intimacy? There are many things that can contribute to or cause this to occur.

1. Fear of the unknown. If your partner has had a “bad” incident occur in the past and were hurt when they opened up to an ex-partner, reliving this painful time could now be holding them back from opening up again to you. It’s nothing personal on your part. But it is more of a “fool me once, shame on you: fool me twice, shame on me” kind of feeling. They were hurt once when they opened themselves up: they aren’t in a hurry to chance repeating that kind of pain.

2. A lack of trust. Relationships are built on trust. If trust was eroded away by someone else – then your partner might now have their guard up. Again, it’s not about you, but more about wanting to make sure they do not relive history. Once trust is gone, it’s easy for some to categorize all future partners in the same light.

3. Feeling they might not be good enough. Some people allow their feelings of inadequacy to filter into all parts of what could be an intimate relationship. By thinking they are not good enough for you, they are hoping to prevent the opportunity of being hurt before it happens. They feel if they just accept the relationship doesn’t really have that good of a chance of succeeding, they are stopping the pain they feel is inevitable before it has a chance to occur.

How do you overcome these barriers? By recognizing them and working on them instead of ignoring them. You have to be willing to confront your fears and label them for what they really are. Trying to hide behind them or not being truthful about their severity will get you nowhere. If your partner feels pressured, then give them space. If they feel as if they might not be able to trust you, show them acts of unconditional kindness to prove to them you are there to be with them and not to hurt them in any way.

Learn about yourself… are destructive emotions at the heart of the problems you are experiencing with your relationship? If so, maybe you need to get control of what you are really telling yourself. What are your beliefs?

Relationship Wisdom – Create A Relationship Vision

Many couples head into a relationship with lots of enthusiasm. This is good, right? This is what makes most relationships so interesting and exciting at the beginning. There are a lot of assumptions created from the honeymoon period hormones, which are then turned into expectations for the remainder of the relationship. Let’s have a look how we can start with a bit more openness, reality check and clarity.

You used to tell me every day how beautiful I am

If receiving affirmative comments to you is a high priority value you will have been sold by those statements and swept away into feeling loved. He fulfilled one important need and turned the key and unlocked your heart. This is a beautiful way to start a romance but what if those beautiful words where just present at the happy beginning?

Starting over

Creating a relationship vision, like any other vision for life or business, has the potential to move you forward in life as a couple and support you in a satisfying partnership. When this vision in based on your personal values, the things that give meaning to your life, it will also ignite and bring more meaning to you as a couple. You can do this any time, the sooner the better.

What is a Relationship Vision?

By creating a vision you make clear what you want. You are describing in words what you can see, feel, hear and smell, based on your values and purpose. This vision can be a one-year, three-year, five-year or ten-year vision.

How can we create our Relationship Vision?

It is an advantage if both partners equally desire to create more meaning and put the time aside to work on a relationship vision. It is also possible to create a relationship vision if you are still single and want to imagine the kind of partnership you want to invite into your life.

Step 1: Identify your personal values

Values are those things that truly matter most to you. It might be honesty, openness, creativity, freedom, etc. Start by making a list of the 20-50 most important values for you and rate them from 1 to 5, 1 being very important, 5 being less important. Notice all the values scored as 1 or 2 and make a list of the top five core values that you cherish the most.

Step 2: Identify your relationship values

Relationship values are those things that truly matter most to you in regards to your relationship and your partner. Do this alone before sharing with your partner. Do it in the same way as you came up with your personal values but remember that there are specific relationship values which you might like to add, for example: intimacy, creating a family together, physical proximity etc.

Step 3: Compare your personal and your relationship values

Notice whether both of your values work together. Be honest with yourself and whether you are compromising your personal values for your relationship values. If necessary, align them so there is no compromise.

Step 4: Write your relationship vision

Pick a time frame: 1-year, 3-year, 5-year or 10-year and write from that moment, describing what you see, feel, hear etc. Use present tense and state as if you are looking through your eyes. Make sure you include the values that are most important to you. Remember to make this vision achievable and believable for you but let it stretch your imagination.

Step 5: Read it aloud

First, read it aloud to yourself. Then, if you have a partner, read it to them. Ask them to listen attentively and encourage you with their whole being.

Living according to your personal and relationship values and being aware of your partner’s values will give you greater relationship satisfaction in itself. Once you have openly shared your vision with your partner there might be goals you want to set together or other conversations coming up regarding what you want to achieve together.

Remember that this might bring up insecurities as well as excitement. Being truthful to yourself and to your partner will make your relationship more real and propel you towards your personal vision and purpose.