If you have told family and friends “I want to get married,” and “I know he’s The One for me,” then there are things you need to think about before you can be absolutely sure you want to spend your life with him.
Possibly, you have already considered all of these points.
It is also possible that you’ve discussed these issues, so you truly are ready to get married to HIM and there will be ‘no surprises’ later, such as a mate who is miserable living in the place you most want to be, or who has dreams and plans in life that clash with your own.
So here’s a checklist of things to think carefully about, if you’re trying to get him to propose and before you walk down the aisle (and if you want to avoid trouble after the honeymoon):
Getting Along Together
1. Are you happy with the amount of time you spend together?
2. Do you always enjoy being together?
3. Is time together increasing, or not?
4. Do you tend to disagree a lot? Are there fights?
5. Do you have a lot in common?
Shared Interests & Passions
1. What interests do you share? Are there hobbies, sports, or conversation topics you both enjoy?
2. Do you have friends in common? Do the friends – his and hers – get along?
3. Do you love his family? How does he feel about yours?
4. Are your core beliefs, and other types of beliefs (morals, ethics, religious, political) compatible?
5. Do you tend to enjoy the same books, movies, music, etc.?
6. Having children – are you together on that, both if and when?
7. City, town or village, or maybe out in the country? East, west, or on the plains? House, condo or apartment living? Will you both be happy in the same place?
Your Goals In Life – And Also His – Good Fit?
1. Are you at similar stages in life?
2. Do you want the same things, whether that is to quit jobs and travel, or focus on careers – buy a hobby farm or live on an island – start a business or work for a major corporation – and what if one of you longs for a choice, and the other loathes it? How will you compromise?
3. What about time – how much will be spent together, and how much apart?
4. What about money – how will you share it? Also, beware, a big spender married to a super saver are headed for trouble.
5. What do you really want and expect from a husband? Do you know how he would answer this question, about his wife?
6. Overall, do you have similar ambitions, plans, hopes and dreams for the coming decades of your life?
How Did You Grow Up – And What Is His Background Like?
Some families shout at each other; others do the silent treatment. Some are huggers, some do love each other but barely touch. Some never express anything about how they feel; others rarely stop talking about it.
We may think we grow up, and away, from how we were raised, but it continues to influence us as adults in how we think, feel, and react. And while opposites often attract, they rarely endure. When you look at happy long term relationships, the two people always have more in common than not.
1. Same types of families?
2. Same religious background?
3. What about education, social position, and nationality/culture?
4. What family traditions are important to you?
5. Do you or he have habits that irritate the other (and could be relationship-breakers in the future)? This could be about one of you smoking, or the other’s drinking, or gambling, or drug use, or something more trivial, such as fondness for playing the drums…
The Really Little Stuff (That Can Drive Couples Apart)
OK, the truth about marriage is that people get irritated about things that can seem ridiculously trivial. Who throws their laundry on the floor, for example, or leaves dishes in the sink or can’t remember to clean the litter box or take the dog to the vet? And how much does that annoy the other person?
So, silly though it may seem, you need to consider this stuff:
1. Both super-active, or lazy?
2. Both would rather play baseball, or watch it?
3. Beach vacation, or city?
4. Both meat eaters, or vegetarians?
5. Do you have a shared sense of humour?
6. Would he be the one you’d want to be stranded on a desert island with?
How Together Are You At Solving Problems?
Do you get into fights just so you can make up? That can be fun… for a while. But the fact is when you’re married, problems do come along. Some of them can be hard to deal with, especially if you aren’t united in solving them.
1. When you disagree, how do you negotiate?
2. Does he listen? Do you?
3. Are you afraid to have your own opinion and express it freely? What do you do when you can’t agree with what he has to say?
4. Are you jealous? Is he?
5. Is either of you a control freak?
6. Does he immediately insult you when you don’t agree with him or want to do it his way? Does he insult you in front of other people?
7. Can he forgive and forget – and can you?
This isn’t one of those magazine quizzes where you get to add up the score and find out “Are You Compatible For Each Other?” because it just isn’t that simple.